


always will be missing you

by multicolored_stardust



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Angst, Barney is sad and misses Gordon, Depression, M/M, Mentions of Dismemberment, Pining, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 15:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18166688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multicolored_stardust/pseuds/multicolored_stardust
Summary: Barney’s lost the third of the four limbs he’s supposed to have. He lies in bed and thinks about Gordon.





	always will be missing you

**Author's Note:**

> might be a bit of a jumbled up mess but it’s cuz i sporadically worked on this fic over the course of several months. a fantastic writer i am. regardless, i hope you enjoy!
> 
> (pre-canon, as it takes place during one of the 20 years gordon was in stasis.)

gordon was gone.

it was in the middle of a blazing summer, and it was by the will of the leader of the resistance, eli vance, that barney was to be put on a month long bedrest, meaning that he wouldn’t be allowed to leave the base, for he had managed to have yet another limb blown off his tattered body. the third one of the four he was supposed to have; another leg. his arm had been shot off by a strider a couple of months back and his leg torn off by a ravenous bullsquid in 2005. rather silly, given that eli had lost his leg the same way. but his life wasn’t seriously on the line, nor did the scientist’s ENTIRE leg get chewed up, bone and all. just the calf.

gordon was gone, and he wanted him back.

the graying man’s dull eyes scanned the ceiling, the blanket of his cot messily tossed around, snaking barney’s makeshift legs. alyx, the daughter of eli, was a very talented mechanic; she lived and breathed technology of any kind. in her off time, she could be seen tapping away at eli’s archaic laptop, having constructed a charger port herself to keep the thing running. she also was in charge of building mechanical limbs for those who either wanted, or desperately needed them. barney fell into the latter category. with both legs completely gone, he was reduced to walking on sticks, practically. scrap metal fashioned into a makeshift leg, even including the bend at the knee, which in fact had a neatly woven bundle of electrical circuits running through the hollowed out insides of said metal, connecting to the nerves of the muscle. alyx claimed it was a very simple yet reliable prosthetic, giving her time to create real mechanical limbs. and by god, could she build some neat shit. especially for a 16 year old kid. he tilted his head lazily to the side, tearing his eyes from the ceiling, now burning holes through the gray, rugged concrete wall. he sure as hell wasn’t anything special at 16. his muted blue eyes fluttered to a close.

his mind was now set on gordon again.

he was positive that gordon was special at that age, too. he was brilliant; so, so brilliant. overwhelmingly so. it was always quite the task to keep up with his joy-ridden spiels about the nonsensical experiments he chose to partake in, given that he wasn’t assigned all that much in the first place, lacing each sentence with such vivid detail that it was almost too much to take in. he’d then of course falter and clam up, always worried that he spoke too much and too fast all at once, averting his eyes to the tile floor, rolling a long, wavy lock of copper hair behind his ear nervously. barney would then give him a small smile, and softly place a hand on his friend’s shoulder and urge him to continue. no matter how convoluted his stories tended to be, the security guard loved them.

and he loved gordon.

he was now on his side on the cot, the good one. the one with the last organic limb on his body. his eyes had now opened, the image of concrete dancing on his lenses yet again. he had no intention of getting out of bed, now. barney always fell into a slump when he thought about gordon. the physicist was... well, how would one describe a being who changed your life for the better, only to be stolen from you last minute? how could you put that into words?

maybe words wouldn’t do anything justice. maybe he just needed to wallow in silence for a bit... to wade in mourning for a man he could never have.

barney fumbled around for the sheet tangled around his prosthetic legs and dragged it up to his chest, making no real effort to cover himself in the crinkled blanket. it was too thin to provide any real comfort, anyways. he just needed something to hold on to.

he sighed.

“ ya always disappear when i need ya most, don’tcha, gordy? “


End file.
